Many people confuse the terms ‘matchmaking service’ and ‘dating sites,’ or use them interchangeably when in reality they could not be more different. The best matchmaking services are those that add a very personal touch to the whole dating process, and make it easy and enjoyable for the client. A dating service or dating site is simply a website or an app that arranges immediate connections based on algorithms and technology. But technology can’t decipher love, it can only provide for a short term connection based on preferences that are plugged into a computer or software system.
What the best matchmaking service offers you
With at professional matchmaker, at least with the best matchmaking services, you will find the connection is based on something far deeper than what looks good on paper. There is a very personal element involved and most of the time, at least in my experience, in addition to evaluating all the important elements that go into matching singles, such as financial and emotional stability as well as family background, relationship history and so many other values, I rely mostly on what I consider the most important factor: gut instinct. There is a very strong feeling that has to go into making a connection personal. Even the best dating sites don’t offer long lasting relationships. It’s not a business, it’s personal.
Why Single events don’t work for most people
Oftentimes Singles will come to me and tell me they are sick of attending singles events, even local singles events which tend to draw a lager crowd, yet are more intimate. Most often, they are tired of the same scene and the unreliability of the dating word online. They are looking for something new, something fresh and something more personal, that’s why they come to me, a professional matchmaker, for help.
The hardest part about my job is also the best part about my job. When I find a person is having trouble closing the deal on a first date and getting the second date or even the call back, typically common with men, that’s when I know that my work is cut out for me. There is always an excuse for why he is being rejected and usually I dig deeper and find that it’s the same reason and same negative pattern of behavior.
So I offer my coaching tips and put on my hat of professional dating coach and sit down and get underneath the hood of his heart, and ask questions such as what has happened in the past that makes the present so difficult? Why is this pattern of behavior repeating itself – with both parties involved? I go into a series of questions – very personal and deep questions – to understand what has happened in his past relationships (or lack thereof) and how he projects his past experiences into the present even before he goes on a first date. My biggest goal is to de-program him into realizing that to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again, to understand first and foremost that the past does not equal the present. Just because you had a bad experience before does not mean that it has to happen again. There is a lot of psychology involved and getting to the next level of understanding what patterns are being repeated and what needs to change in order to make change happen.
Once the pattern has been identified and brought to light and roadblocks have been overturned, I then offer up my best dating tips that have proven successful time and time again, to ensure that he makes a great first impression.
5 Dating Tips for Men (by a professional dating coach)
1. Dress up for her. Shave, wear cologne, brush your teeth (and floss!) just before you meet her and most importantly, look confident. Pretend this is a job interview and you are meeting your future boss (she just may turn out to be one day - if you’re lucky!)
2. Don’t just let her speak, actively listen to what she is saying …and respond! While its true that some women can go on and on and on (I am one of them) it’s always nice to be heard and – confirm that she is heard by responding to what she is saying. This will go a long way.
3. Pay for the first date. I know, I know, this goes against all my feminist rules and as one of those women back in my single days who paid for every date I went on, I am not against women paying…. but it’s always nice to be that man who is chivalrous- its is somewhat of dying custom and by paying for the first date, your showing her that you can take care of her. Be prepared for her to offer and insist, but read her body language, if she really is happy that you offered to pay- then do it. She can pick up the tip. This is one outdated custom I would like to keep in force while in the beginning stages of dating.
4. Don’t use your phone on the date. Turn your ringer off and act like she is the only person in the room. On the same note, don’t look distracted and look around the room (especially at other women!) keep eye contact focused on her and make her feel as though she is the only other person in the room with you.
5. Do not talk about your ex! Even if she brings up her own past experiences and hateful relationships, shift the conversation to a lighter topic (movies, songs, shows, books …. anything that is not about yours or her ex) and make her laugh! Laughter releases serotonin in the brain, the feeling of pleasure. She will remember you as someone who made her feel good!
Lesson Learned
When you stick to the basics (hygiene, listening skills, chivalry, confidence, laughter) and understand that the past does not make the present, you will succeed in dating! Finding long lasting love is my job, closing the deal is yours.